Every couple goes through some difficult periods during the course of their marriage. There are pressures from many directions, work with a super charged schedule, financial difficulties, family and in-laws, anything can interfere with marital bliss and often does. So how can you tell if the problems you are encountering are temporary and due to everyday life or if your marriage is in trouble?
Here are a few things to consider:
- Satisfaction
Many marriage counselors will tell you that one of the first signs of real trouble is found in the level of satisfaction you get from your marital relationship. Are you taking your spouse for granted (or vice-versa)? Does he/she forget to say "I love you"? It seems like little things but they can lead to a more serious problem. If you feel that your spouse does not appreciate you any more, you lose satisfaction in your marriage.
- Physical intimity
Has your intimacy level dimished? This could be due to stress, sometimes having a busy life, with children, and dealing with every day life, health and work can affect your sexual life, and it is normal. However, if you see a repetitive pattern of avoiding intimacy then the marriage may have a more serious problem that should be addressed.
- Avoiding Conflict
It is sometimes easier to avoid conflict than to get into an argument. That may seem like a good thing, but in reality, conflict and more importantly conflict resolution, is a normal part of life. If you or your partner avoid conflict this could be a sign that all is not well. You might fear a more explosive response, and repress your emotions, a reaction that is not very healthy for a marriage.
- Competition
Marriage is a partnership not a competition, partners work together not against one another. There should never be any "I win - you lose" situations in a healthy marriage. This could be a sign that you should pay attention to your marriage.
- Taking separate vacations
If you are planning pleasure trips separately, trips that keep you separated or away from home without real purpose, (like work or visiting a sick relative while the other has to remain home for the kids or work,) then you might have some marital problems. We all have to be separated at times, but to remember that you have a couple's life should take precedence.
- Cheating
Have you ever considered cheating on your spouse, even if only briefly and without enthusiasm, thinking of having an affair is a very serious sign, you should talk to your spouse and do what is necessary to bring your marriage back to what it once was. Should you falter and have an affair, it is often a devastating experience for both spouses and saving the marriage becomes more difficult.
All and any of the situations described here could be benign symptoms or could be serious signs of marriage problems. Look at your situation carefully and with an open mind, then take the next step if you need to.
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